On a scale of...

after a recent trip to the RISD art museum, i was inspired to think what i (an un-artist for the most part), would create that would be something completely original, something that really spoke to/about me.  after a few days with this in the back of my mind on vacation, i kept coming back to the image of a scale.

i struggle with the scale in so many ways - weight of course being the most nagging.  i don't own a scale, but instead weigh in when i happen to chance upon one.  The last chance i had was yesterday on an unfortunate trip to the pediatrician to stitch up a little head wound.  i snuck onto the kids scale, hoping it wasn't calibrated to calculate only kids, not fat moms (that thought really did cross my mind, how ridiculous).  i snuck on and off quickly, unbeknownst to any of the nurses around me.  they also didn't know that they were (un)witnesses to me crossing off a LIFE LIST item, and one of the ones I am most excited to complete.

then:  LOSE TEN POUNDS
now:  LOSE TEN POUNDS

i did it.  Ten down.

now:  LOSE TEN MORE POUNDS

the other scale related struggle i have is finding balance in my life - work/family/friends/self.  i do not believe that i will ever have the time to be the emily i want to be for all the people/things in my life.  which is pretty disappointing.  i found some hope in this great interview with gabrielle hamilton, who basically says, fuck the balance, or rather, she puts it a bit more eloquently:  'balance is elusive.'  Here's the clip:

Fall Into Chaos

a mighty life list

one of the blogs that i follow someone occasionally is Mighty Girl, who happens to be a list girl like me (and i strive to be mighty). i have had life lists before - none of which i can find at the moment, which is so very disappointing because i think i have even completed several items off that last one (took photography class, sewed something, started a college fund). happened to check in on Maggie today and was inspired to start a list again. i've broken my list down into some categories:

• money matters: aka shit i hate to deal with like drawing up our wills. which i am 5 years overdue on. this particular item needs to move from the life list to the daily to-do list because it has GOT to get done. soon.


• wanderlust: places to go see and one special place to return to (i had a fahm...in ahhfrica).


• delicious things: all things food & beverage related - some of which qualify in the wanderlust category and vice versa.


• feel better: aka stop being so damn fat. lose 10 pounds is the first goal and i've got to say, i think i am pretty close! in other words, the primal diet is working.


• vanity: i am not especially vain but there are days i wouldn't mind turning heads.


• the abode: things i want to do for my house. also, purchase a second house that is on a beach (see money matters).


• my cub: things i want to do and share with caleb specifically. laughing about the toilet and farts and such not included because we do that DAILY.


• do some good: i am fortunate and others are not and i should take some time to help other people.


• for the brain: i am smart and want to keep it that way.


• i like ahht: arts & culture type things like purchasing a museum membership and using it more than the one time when you bought the membership

going primal

i am the heaviest i have ever been and not at all happy about it. i resist writing about this because, quite frankly, i don't want to write a weight loss/diet blog. but also, i resist out of pure fear. fear that i have committed these thoughts to somewhere permanent and in the event of failure it will only serve as a painful reminder that i quit. so i am just going to go ahead and put it out there in the hopes that this will become part of my motivational arsenal. this and the box of clothes labelled "too small but i love them."

so quickly, after an expensive trip to the naturopath (another motivator - someone i have to report back to!) i am working on resetting my metabolism to address thyroid and glucose/insulin issues. on strict ten day diet that is pretty much part atkins, part paleo (if a caveman ate it, so can i) and totally without sandwiches.

so that's it. there it is. i'm admitting that i started a diet and i hope to hell i look back at this while wearing that cute white linen top with the black piping and say I DID IT.

that december resolution

i completely crushed it! since that posting i have not only finished Oishinbo (great) but have finished seven (7!), SEVEN books since then! oddly enough and not really by design, just coincidence, the last six have all happened to be non-fiction. just when i was in to the last 20 pages or so of my last book (The Wild Trees) a package arrived from a friend with a couple books he enjoyed. Both non-fiction and so, the trend continues. does it make it more meaningful when a book is 'real?' when i think back at some of the books that have left me with a real call-to-action, go-out-and-do-something feeling it certainly seems that way. after my last read i am rady to go climb a tree FOR SURE.

as for january resolutions, pshaw. i continue to be on an on 3 days, off 4 sort of rotation. gotta find something habit forming. to replace my bad habits.

SO - the books - I started a GoodReads account in 2008 yet have updated it for the first time just today. adding a widget to keep up with books i've read and a handy list on my phone of things I plan on reading. i think i can add some sort of widget here - which i will do right now.

december resolution

so that whole posting every day, err, every OTHER day in november thing. well, yes.

tomorrow is a brand new month - december. this one promises to be chock full of anxiety - i can't wait! i am going to try to set up some mini goals for myself periodically throughout this month to get ready to not make new years resolutions. first on the list for this week: going to turn off the computer/tv/phone at 11pm every night and read a damn book. first I need to finish Oishinbo: Japanese Cuisine and then i have no idea. 47 minutes to search the interwebs for good books before it is lights out.

The Monocle

What I meant to say is that I am TOTALLY on board NaBloPoMo on the EVEN days of the month. So today's food for thought prompt from them is: Would you rather be wealthy and ugly, wise and sickly, or beautiful and stupid?

No, I didn't think so either.

Instead I will take one from October 22nd: Do you have any scars? How'd you get them?

Yes - I have scars, three of which have stories I like to tell. My favorite is from 2nd Grade.

In 2nd grade I had these 2 big hardcover science books that were prized possessions, constant companions. I can still visualize them quite clearly, but not clearly enough to get a good google search result. One book had a light blue cover (I can't recall the photo), the other was orange with a baby seal who kind of looked like this:

So I brought the books to school pretty much every day. During an arts & crafts project which may or may not have involved a pine cone and/or macaroni, a drop of glue fell on the orange book - smack dab on top of one of the baby seal's eyes. I did not realize it right away so when I discovered the drop it had already hardened into a perfectly round shallow dome - an opaque eye patch if you will.

It was rainy that day, so morning recess was inside - a perfect opportunity to restore the book. I held the book firmly in place on my desk with my left hand, palm down, fingers spread. In my right hand, a pair of open scissors. I proceeded to scrape the glue spot using a jabbing motion with one of the scissor blades. One of those jabs made less than perfect contact and the scissors soaredover the small milky dome in straight in to my hand - the point jammed in to that soft spot at the bottom of your thumb that you are supposed to squeeze when you get a headache.

It started to bleed pretty much immediately so I quickly formed a bowl with my right hand to catch the dripping blood and ran out to the hallway to find Mrs. Baker, the teacher on duty who in turn sent me to the nurse, etc. etc. Those details are not interesting at all.

When I returned to my desk, someone had cleaned everything up - wiped up the floor, the desk, the book - apart from my bandaged hand, you would have never known the incident had occurred. Of course the first thing I did was inspect the book. The eye patch was gone (?!), but replaced with a monocle - a perfect ring of dried blood surrounding that poor baby seal's eye. Sort of like this:

I don't REALLY know how or when the glue spot popped off, leaving just the thin ring of blood. I don't know what happened to those books - likely replaced by Beverly Cleary as it was right around this time I entered the Ramona phase. But I do know that it was an ill conceived method of removal and that little memento on my left hand will always to remind me.

NaBloPoMo

So it's National Blog Posting Month and I am totally signed up for this thing. And I am already behind a post - off to a great start!

So is everyone talking about Halloween? That's what I thought. Or maybe that was yesterday (but I missed that day).

So instead let's talk about the jewelry thing that is suggested for today and THEN I will get to the Halloween bit where I tried to talk Caleb in to giving me the Whoppers (unsuccessfully).

About four years ago I purchased my very favorite piece of jewelry EVER from a couple who was exhibiting with the American Craft Council. Actually, I didn't purchase it - my sister and I discovered them together and gave the pieces we selected to each other for Christmas presents (this is some sort of buyers rationale). In any case - I wear this necklace almost daily - so much so that on more than one occasion, someone has said "oh! i thought that was a tattoo!" (i have none but that would be a good one!)

so here is a photo - brand spanking new. mine is delightfully faded and well worn. sadly i have lost the match to 2 sets of earrings from them so I just wear the mismatched ones together and it works (look at me! SO quirky)

So I give you the amazing talent at M.A.D.E. and the link to their Etsy Store.